Through it Together
by LA-ink13
Summary: It wasn't going to be easy, but together they would try to get through it. Begins post 5x19 Spoils of War, but is working its way through the end of the season.
1. Chapter 1

I've had horrid writers block for quite a while, but I wanted to write something that was post Spoils of War that covered Nell/Callen and Kensi/Deeks. Hopefully this is the start of the end of the writers block because I have a couple of other stories that I really want to get finished. I think this is a one-shot, but if I'm inspired by the next episode, I may end up adding to this. Enjoy!

* * *

She was the only one that Callen wanted to see when he got home. He wanted to hold her in his arms, feel her fingers across his back, and breath in that warm vanilla scent that was uniquely her.

There was a car waiting for them at the airstrip to take them back to the mission. They would drop off their gear, have a brief meeting, and then he could take her home. He wished he could skip all of that and just get to the part where he got to leave.

She didn't look his way during the debrief. Instead she stood beside Eric with her tablet in her hand, staring at it. When she did look up it was only to draw their attention to the screen in front of them. He looked around the room to the rest of the team. Sam was standing perfectly still taking in everything that was said. Deeks stood with his arm around Kensi, holding her up. He was sure she would collapse from exhaustion and pain if Deeks let her go.

Hetty finally dismissed them with the direction to take the next few days off, and with the knowledge that Nate would be flying in and they would all need to talk with him before returning to duty.

Everyone quietly filed out, but he stayed behind, waiting to talk to her.

"Nell," he said softly stepping up behind her. "Are you ready to go?"

"I'll get myself home," came her forced reply.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly, his hand touching her shoulder. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about Agent Callen," she said stiffly.

"Bug," he said softly. "Come on."

"Don't call me that," she said as she stepped out of his reach. "And please leave. I have things to do before I go home. To my home. Alone."

He stepped back and leaned against the table. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what I did wrong."

She spun and finally met his eyes. "What you did wrong? How about you showed me no respect before you left. I gave you an order and you couldn't just do it. You wanted to talk to Hetty instead. Like I wasn't good enough for you to listen to. Like you couldn't trust what I was saying. I was trying so hard to stay in control of the situation and I would have thought that you of all people would have had my back, and you didn't."

He held his hands up in surrender. "Woah, Nell. No. That wasn't why I asked about Hetty. That had nothing to do with you."

"Then why did you do it?" she asked, her shoulders dropping in defeat.

"Because there's always something that Hetty knows and doesn't tell us. And for once I wanted to force her to tell us before we went it," Callen said. "It had nothing to do with not trusting you. It had to do with not trusting her."

"She knew," Nell said softly. "She knew all along that it was Jack that the CIA was after. And she knew that Kensi would never take the shot. She sent Kensi in without telling her, but she knew."

Callen nodded. "That sounds like Hetty. Withholding information when it suits her."

"She didn't tell me and Eric until you were already over there," Nell whispered. "And by then it was way too late."

Callen held his arms out to her, and she stepped into them. Wrapping his arms around he, he pulled her close as her shoulders started to shake.

"I was so scared," she whispered, her voice muffled against his shirt.

"It's ok," he said. "We're all here. We're all going to be ok."

She pulled back slightly and looked up at him. "Take me home."

"Of course," he said with a sad smile. "You're exhausted. Everything here can wait a few days."

"Tomorrow can we go see Kensi?" she asked as he guided her out of the room.

"I'll call Deeks in the morning and see if they up for company," Callen said softly.

Nell nodded with a half smile. "He's good for her."

"Just like you are for me," Callen said with a nod.

"Think they'll be ok?" she asked.

Callen nodded. "I think they can make it work."

...

"We're home," Deeks said, breaking the silence of the car. "We're home, and you're ok."

Kensi nodded and looked vacantly out the window. "I don't want to stay here."

"Why not?" Deeks asked with a frown. "I told you I would take you home."

She shook her head. "The person that lives there is gone. I don't know how to be her anymore."

"Where do you want to go?" Deeks asked as he reached his hand out to gently touch hers.

She looked down at their hands and turned hers over to wrap her fingers around hand. "Can I stay with you?"

Deeks squeezed her hand. "Of course."

"And Monty?" she asked.

He nodded. "We'll pick him up from Mrs. Young and then we'll go to my place."

"Ok," she said softly as she tightened her hold on his hand.

"Do you want anything else? Ice cream or twinkies?"

She shook her head, "No. Well, maybe a twinkie. Or some double fudge ice cream."

Deeks smiled softly. "There's my girl."

"Am I?" she asked.

"Always," he answered. "No matter what. Nothing changes, ok?"

She nodded. "Ok."

"Now let's go get some groceries, and Monty, and we'll go back to my place and just relax," Deeks said.

"Don't let me lock you out," she whispered. "After you were tortured, you were gone. Alone. Don't let me do that to you."

"I won't," he said. "I've got you. We'll get through this together, I promise."

Kensi had lapsed back into silence as they headed toward the store, and she had merely shaken her head when he asked if she wanted to come in with him to grab some food.

He grabbed a shopping cart and began filling it with junk food, soda, and ice cream. Swinging past the prepared food, he grabbed a couple of things that could be heated later if Kensi wanted something more substantial than junk food. He tried to think of all of the things that she loved to eat that she would have missed out on over the past few months. He passed a display of marshmallow peeps and grinned as he grabbed a box of each color. Last Easter they had a good time throwing them at each other and trying to catch them in their mouths.

He was heading toward the register when a display of movies caught his eye. Grabbing a couple of new animated movies he added them to the cart.

He got through the checkout quickly and had his arms full when he approached the car. Rather than trying to dig his keys out, he tapped on the window for Kensi to unlock doors.

He realized his mistake in an instant when she jerked away and looked around wide eyed. He knew that feeling. The terror of waking up to a strange sound and not knowing where you are. He placed himself beside her window so she could see him. and when she met his eyes, he could see her begin to calm. Her face flushed as she unlocked the doors.

Dumping the bags in the backseat, he opened her door and took her chin in his hand.

"Look at me," he said softly. "Come on Kens. Look at me."

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she looked at the ground.

"No," he said gently. "Don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong. I should have known better."

She looked up and met his eyes. "I should have been a better partner to you last year. I shouldn't have let you go through this alone."

"It's ok," he said kneeling down beside her. "I made it through. And I'll make sure you do too."

"I thought about you," she whispered. "I was captured, and we were tortured, and Jack tried to keep the worst of it from me, but all I could think about was you. I just wanted you."

"I'm here," Deeks said. "I'm right here. And we're going to go get Monty who will be very excited to see you and then we'll camp out in my living room with junk food and movies and we'll get through this."

"Ok," Kensi said softly. "Let's go home."

...

"Aren't you tired?" Callen asked Nell as she bustled around his kitchen making sugar cookies.

She shook her head. "No."

"Really?" he asked. "I'm tired and I'm the one that doesn't sleep."

She waved her hand at him. "Go to bed. I'll be fine."

"Nell," he said, shaking his head. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she said. "I just felt like baking. I'm going to take them to Kensi tomorrow. I know how much she likes homemade cookies."

"I'm sure she'll be fine without them," Callen said patiently. "Deeks probably bought her a month's worth of junk food before he took her home. Now please come to bed."

"I told you, I'm not tired," Nell said sharply.

"Come on, Bug, what's up?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Have you slept at all since I left?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Now please drop it."

"Nell," Callen said gently. "Put down the mixing bowl."

She looked up at him, determined and a bit like a petulant child. "I'm fine."

Callen crossed the room and took the bowl from her. He set it in the fridge, turning the oven off as he walked past it. He grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the fridge and handed them to Nell who was too shocked to do anything but take them. With a grin, Callen bent and wrapped his arms around her, slightly above her knees and stood, letting her fall back over his shoulder.

"Put me down," she said, hitting him lightly with a water bottle.

"Not yet," Callen said with a laugh as he carried her into the living room.

He set her down in front of the sofa, and took the water bottles from her and carefully set them on the end table. Before she could respond he sat down on the sofa and pulled her into his lap. He shifted them around until he was lying on his back with her sprawled on top of him.

He gently began to rub her back until she relaxed against him.

He wasn't surprised when his felt her shoulder begin to shake and he could tell his shirt was quickly becoming damp. He had been expecting this since he talked to her in ops and he wasn't sure how she had managed to keep the tears at bay for so long.

"It's ok," he said. "We're all ok. You did good."

"I was so scared," she whispered. "I got that video and those pictures, and we had to be professional, and it was so hard to keep it together. And listening to Hetty go on about how it was the plan all along. I hated her right then, G."

"I hate her a lot of the time," Callen said softly. "She's good at her job, but she doesn't always weight the possible cost of the mission before she begins it."

"I don't want to be like that," she said. "I know what everyone says about me, that I'm a Hetty in training, but I don't to become that."

"You won't be," he said soothingly. "I won't let you."

"This isn't just a fling is it?" she asked.

He shook his head. "What do you mean?"

"This," she said. "Us. Is it just something for you to pass the time? Convenient because you don't have to lie or make up excuses?"

"No," he said gently. "If I wanted a fling I would find someone to lie to that I wouldn't care about hurting. This is something much bigger."

"Ok," she said softly as she shifted slightly to bury her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"Bug?" he asked gently. "Move in with me?"

She looked up at him with a soft frown. "What?"

"I couldn't stop thinking about you while I was gone," he said. "I just wanted the mission to be over so I could come home to you."

"Ok," she said with a nod. "And from there you went to moving in together?"

He shrugged. "It felt right."

"Ask me again after we all get through this," she said. "And we'll talk about it then."

Callen shook his head. "That's not why I'm asking."

"I know," she said. "But if I answer now, I'm scared it will be for the wrong reasons. I don't want to do it to reassure myself that we have something, or because we missed each other."

"You slept her while I was gone, didn't you?" Callen said with a grin as he watched her cheeks turn pink.

"That's beside the point."

"No it's not," he said. "That is the point."

"I just want to keep my own space for a little longer," she said. "I'm feeling really clingy right now, and I don't want to rush into anything. Plus we haven't even told the team about us, so maybe we could start there and work our way up to living together."

Callen nodded. Wrapping his arms around her, he tipped his head to gently kiss the top of her head. He smiled as she snuggled closer to him.

After years of being alone, and thinking he would be alone forever, he still has a hard time believing that she was curled up against him. One blind date full of lies and deceptions had led him to realize that the feelings he had for the young analysis were something worth pursuing.

She was right. They did need to let the team know. But with emotions running so high, it hadn't felt like the right time. Without Kensi around for Nell to talk to, and without the team being whole, he hadn't felt right sharing their newfound happiness.

"How about we tell Kensi and Deeks first?" Callen asked. "Tomorrow I'll let you bake your cookies and we'll take them over and tell them."

"Deeks'll like that," Nell said. "He'll know that it's ok for him and Kensi."

Callen laughed. "The way they were clinging to each other, I don't think he cared what any of us think."

"They will," she said. "Especially Deeks. He needs to know you and Sam won't make him go back to LAPD in order to be with her."

"Deeks saved us," Callen said. "We were pinned in and out of ammo and he came in out of nowhere with a plan and he saved us. He deserves to get the girl."

"Tell him that tomorrow," Nell said softly. "Let him know you're proud of him. He's so insecure."

Callen nodded. "I will."

Nell yawned and Callen grinned. With a laugh she batted him on the arm.

"Finally tired?" he asked.

"I think so," she answered. "Take me to bed?"

"Of course."

...

Kensi has perked up when they picked up Monty and she has insisted on moving to the backseat to pet him while Deeks drove them to his apartment. He kept glancing in the rearview mirror and couldn't keep the grin off his face at how happy she looked.

He pulled in his parking space and turned around to look at her. "Ready to go in or are you spending all night in the car with Monty?"

"We're ready to go home," she said. "Aren't we Monty?"

Deeks laughed as the pair tumbled out of the backseat and headed toward his front door. He quickly grabbed the bags of groceries and followed behind them.

He was trying to get the key in the lock when Kensi stopped him by gently touching his wrist.

"Can we just pretend for tonight?" she asked.

"Pretend what?"

"That we're just Kensi and Deeks. That we just came back from a really long day of work, and we're just going to cuddle up on the sofa with junk food and Monty and watch a movie," she explained.

"Ok," Deeks said slowly.

"I don't want to talk about what happened over there tonight," she said. "I know that I'll have to. And I know once I fall asleep I'll probably wake up screaming. But for as long as we can, I just want something normal."

"We can do that," Deeks said. "For as long as you want. And when you're ready for more, we can do that."

Kensi nodded. "Eventually."

Deeks opened the door and flicked on the light. "Make yourself at home. I'll put this stuff in the kitchen, get Monty some fresh water, and then we can relax."

"Ok," Kensi said. "I'll pick out a movie."

"I got some new ones," Deeks said looking through the bags. "They're in a bag here somewhere. Frozen, Despicable Me 2, and a couple of others. I just grabbed some that looked fun."

"Ohh, minions," Kensi said with a smile. "I pick minions."

"Sounds good," Deeks said. "I hear there's a love interest in this one."

Kensi met his eyes with a grin. "I like the sound of that."

Deeks grinned at her as he headed into the kitchen. He was sure that she would only be awake for a few minutes before her enthusiasm wore off and she fell into a troubled sleep. He pondered suggesting they watch the movie in his bedroom, but he decided against it. Movie night was always on the couch and she wanted normal.

He quickly put the food away and tucked the ice cream into the freezer. Grabbing the movies that he had found in the bottom of the bag along with some chips, a box of cookies, and some sodas he headed back into the living room. Kensi was sitting on the couch with Monty's head in her lap. He saw the cat pillow tucked behind her head and he grinned. He wished he could freeze that moment. A calm before the coming storm. She took the food from him and her quickly slipped the movie into the DVD player.

Sitting down beside her he draped his arm over the back of the sofa. She quickly slid closed and rearranged the pillow so she could rest her head against him.

"Close your eyes," he said gently as he wrapped his arm around her. "I'm right here. I've got you."

"I don't want to sleep," she said as she cuddled closer. "I want to watch the movie."

"I know you do," he said softly. "But if you fall asleep, I'll be right here."

"My hero," she whispered as her eyes slipped close. "I bet this will be a good movie. I like the minions."

"It'll be a great movie," he said.

"Mmmm," she murmured. "It has to be. It's a love story."

Deeks smiled down and her as she drifted asleep. He could only hope that like him, she would sleep better when they were together.


	2. Chapter 2

**My one-shot expanded to something bigger ... mostly due to all the wonderful reviews requesting it. I'm currently working on a 3rd part that will take place after Three Hearts. Enjoy! :)**

* * *

Deeks was surprised when the movie ended and she was still sleeping soundly beside him. He didn't want to move her and risk waking her up so he tapped the remote to start the movie over. A couple more taps of the remote and the movie was set on repeat. Since the noise of the movie seemed to be helping her sleep, he didn't want to risk changing the channel. Closing his eyes he rested his head against hers to fall into an uneasy sleep.

He was still asleep when he heard her cry out. For a moment he was stuck between dream and reality and he thought that she was crying out because of his torture. Monty's tongue on his hand jerked him awake, and he briefly patted the dog as he looked over at Kensi.

She was still asleep, but from the sad keening sounds she was making he knew that she was trapped in a nightmare.

"Shh," he said softly. "It's ok, Kensi. I'm right here. You're safe."

He gently rubbed her arm, hoping she would respond to his voice or his touch.

Her voice softened to a whimper as she flinched in her sleep.

"It's ok, Kensi. You're home," he said.

"Don't hurt him," she whimpered, still asleep. "Please, not him."

Deeks fought down the jealously that was rising in him at her words. He knew she would have nightmares, and it was only natural that Jack would be in them. What mattered was that she was scared and she needed him.

"Come on, Kensi. Wake up for me," he said.

"He's my partner," she mumbled. "Don't hurt him, please. Not Marty."

He froze, trying to take in the meaning of her words he tried to figure out what she was dreaming about. Another soft cry from her shook him out of his shock and he began to gently shake her to try and wake her.

She awoke finally with a start and looked up at him, "Deeks?"

"It's ok," he said. "You were having a nightmare."

"I dreamt you were there with me. That we were both captured, and they were torturing you and I couldn't get them to stop," she cried.

"It's ok," he said. "We're both ok."

She nodded. "I hate this. I really wanted to sleep through the night and be ok."

"You slept for over three hours, Kens," he said. "I finished the movie, restarted it and put it on repeat. You did a lot better than I did."

"Oh," she said softly. "I think that's because you were here beside me. Like I should have been for you."

"We're not going to do this," he said gently. "We're not going to look back. Only forward."

She gave him a wobbly smile. "Ok."

"Now I don't know about you, but I'm still tired," he said. "So I think that we should try to get some more sleep, but I think we should move into the bedroom where we'll be more comfortable. Maybe with a soft mattress beneath us we'll sleep until the sun comes up."

"Are you trying to get me into bed," Kensi said her face breaking into a grin.

"It is working, Fern?" he asked.

She crinkled her face at the nickname. "Only because you're cat pillow is lumpy."

Deeks laughed as he stood. He extended his hand to her with a bow. "Would my princess like to accompany me to the royal bed chamber?"

She grinned and help out her hand to him. "Why thank you kind sir."

"Just sir?" he asked. "Not a prince?"

She gently bumped his shoulder with hers. "Knight in shining armor. How's that?"

"That'll do," he said.

"Pig," she whispered under her breath.

"Hey now," he said with a laugh.

"You started it," she said. "You can't say the first 2 words of that quote and not expect me to finish it."

"Am I at least your pig?" Deeks asked.

She gently bumped his shoulder again. "Of course."

Deeks grinned and followed her down the hall to the bedroom. He veered off from the bedroom and stepped into the bathroom. Kensi turned back and looked at him.

"I'll just be a minute," he said.

She nodded. "Ok."

Closing the bathroom door he turned on the faucet and splashed some water onto his face. Walking her walk down the hall to his bedroom, joking the whole way felt like the hardest part of the night. It was so close to the last time they went into his bedroom together, but so much had changed since then. He had tortured and she had been tortured. Neither were the people they used to be and he was scared that even with the smiles and jokes, they would never get back to being those people that had taken that step.

He finished up quickly in the bathroom, and stepped into the bedroom to find Kensi sitting on the bed, a t-shirt in her hand.

"Kens?"

She looked up at him and held out the worn LAPD shirt. "Can I wear this?"

"Of course," he said. "You know you don't have to ask."

"Thanks," she said. "Can you turn around while I change?"

"Nothing I haven't seen before," he joked as he tried to ease the tension he could feel building in the room.

"I don't want you to see," she said. "If you see me like this, you'll always see me like this."

"Like what?" he asked sitting down beside her.

"Bruised and beaten," she said. "I want you to remember before I left."

Deeks nodded. When it was him, he couldn't have imagined Kensi seeing him like that. "I'll respect that, but know that even if I see it, it's not going to change how I feel."

"Maybe some other time," she said. "But not tonight."

"Ok," he said as he patted her knee. "I'll look away."

He stood and crossed the room. Opening his closet he grabbed out something more comfortable and changed slowly, giving her time to do the same.

"You're staring at me, aren't you?" he asked lightly.

"Maybe," she answered coyly.

"Can I turn around yet?" he asked.

"Yes."

He turned back around to find her already under the covers.

...

He was usually a restless sleeper and tended to slip out of bed to do things around the house after Nell fell asleep. Before she started staying over, he didn't even own a bed. But while she didn't seem to mind his almost bare house, she had insisted on an actual bed.

He was surprised when he woke up in the bed alone with sunlight streaming through the windows. Reaching his hand out to Nell's side of the bed, he discovered that it was still warm. As he was getting out of the bed to go look for her, he heard the shower in the master bathroom turn on. With a grin, her crossed the room and put his hand on the doorknob. A shower sounded like a good way to start the day.

"Cookie time," Nell said with a grin.

"Breakfast?" he asked. "I worked up an appetite in the shower."

"Waffles?" she asked. "Or did you take apart the waffle iron when I wasn't looking?"

"I haven't been here, so I haven't had time to take anything apart," he answered. "Although, I meant to ask you last night when did I get all this kitchen stuff?"

Nell shrugged. "I may have brought a few things over so I could cook. I was getting tired of take-out."

"I still think you should move all your stuff over," he said.

"Maybe," she said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek as she walked past him on her way to the fridge. "I'm thinking about it."

"Do you want me to call Deeks and see when we can go see Kensi?" he asked.

"Yes, please," she said with a grin. "I can't wait to see her."

"Be gentle," Callen said lightly. "She's trying to act like she's ok, but she's not."

Nell nodded. "I know."

"Ok," he said with a laugh. "You work on breakfast and I'll call Deeks."

Nell grinned up at him and he headed out of the room to get his phone.

He wandered into the bedroom as he waited for Deeks to answer and he wasn't surprised when Deeks answered with a yawn and a muttering about being off.

"I know we're all off, but Nell wants to see Kensi. So I thought I'd call and see if she was up for it," Callen said.

"How would I know?" Deeks asked.

"Wake her up and ask her," Callen said trying to keep the laughter out of his voice. "Don't pretend that she's not lying beside you."

He laughed as Deeks tried to sputter out a response.

"I don't care that she is," Callen said. "I'm not judging, I would do the same thing if I were you."

"Wait," Deeks said slowly. "Why are you calling about Nell's request?"

"Because she's busy making breakfast," he answered nonchalantly.

"Are you …" Deeks started before falling silent.

"We'll talk later," Callen said. "I think Nell wants to announce it and make it a big deal."

"Well," Deeks said slowly. "How about mid afternoon. That'll give Kensi some time to shower and everything. And maybe we can all do dinner by the beach or something if you and Nell don't have plans tonight. "

"Sounds good. Do you want to meet at your place or are you taking Kensi to hers to get some stuff?"

"We can do it at her place," Deeks said.

Callen looked up to see Nell standing in the doorway smiling. He motioned her into the room. 'We'll see you to then. It looks like my breakfast is ready, so I've got to go."

He heard Deeks laughing as he ended the call.

"Well?" Nell asked.

"Well, your temporary partner is very interested in why I called to ask if you could see Kensi," Callen said with a grin. "I said you were making breakfast."

"G Callen, I can't believe you," Nell said as she swatted at him.

"It was true," he said with a laugh. "You'll need to explain things to Deeks when you see him. Just tell him that I was the superior agent and you couldn't help but fall for my rugged good looks,"

She laughed. "I'm more likely to tell him that you're my consultation prize."

Callen opened his mouth to make a joke, but quickly closed it.

"What?" she asked crossing the room and wrapping her arms around his waist. "I was just teasing."

He shook his head. "I know. That's why I stopped myself. I didn't want to say anything that may have accidently upset you."

"I like you, G. Callen," she said softly. "Don't for one second think that I settled, or that I think there's someone else out there that's better than you."

"I know," he said softly, momentarily lost in thought.

There had been so many foster homes and so many different agencies that he has been with before NCIS. It was weird to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. He had run for so long, never feeling like he could fit in, never allowing himself to. This was different. Now he had a family, and a place he belonged.

He kissed Nell softly on the top of her head. "Come on, I bet breakfast is getting cold."

...

"Who was that?" Kensi asked groggily.

"Callen," Deeks said with a laugh.

"Why's that funny?" Kensi asked as she sat up.

"He was calling for Nell to ask me when you were free because Nell wanted to see you," Deeks said with a grin.

She stared at him. "I'm still asleep. What?"

"Callen was calling me, to see when Nell could come see you," he reiterated.

"Why did Callen call you?" she asked.

"According to him, Nell was busy making their breakfast," he said.

Kensi grinned. "I wondered when that was going to happen."

"Aren't you curious why he called me instead of you?" Deeks asked.

Kensi shook her head. "That's easy. He knew where I would be."

"Oh," Deeks said with a nod.

"He'll be ok with it Deeks," Kensi said softly. "If he wasn't, he wouldn't have called you."

"How'd you sleep?" Deeks asked with an easy smile.

Kensi smiled back at him. "Good. Better than I expected to."

"It's because I was here to help," Deeks said with a nod.

"Probably," she answered honestly. "It made it easier knowing you were there."

"I'll be beside you for as long as you need," he said. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I have a favor to ask," she said slowly.

"Anything," he answered.

"I know last night I said that I didn't want you to see me. But I really want a nice hot shower, and I don't think I can do it on my own."

Deeks nodded. "I think I can help with that."

"Thanks," she said.

"You know," Deeks said with a grin. "I do have a big whirlpool tub. If you want I can fill it up, get the jets and heater going for you, help you in and you can just soak for a bit. I bet that would help everything that hurts."

"Add a hot cup of coffee and a donut to that and I like the sound of it," Kensi said with a nod.

"How about coffee and some mini chocolate covered donuts?" he asked. "I grabbed a box last night. Unless you want me to run to the bakery once you're settled."

She shook her head. "Chocolate covered ones would be fine."

"Ok," he said. "I'll go get the tub ready and I'll make you coffee while you soak. When you're done I'll help you wash your hair and everything."

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Any time, Princess," he responded with a grin.

...

Nell stood behind Callen as he went to knock on the door. He paused and looked back at her.

"Nell?" he asked. "You ok?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Then why are you hiding?"

She shrugged. "Nervous."

He turned to look at her. "About what?"

"Kensi," she said. "How she's feeling. Deeks with all he's been through. And us telling someone. It's a lot."

Callen smiled sadly. "It'll be ok. They'll be ok, and I'm sure they'll be happy for us."

He reached his arm out to her and smiled as she stepped beside him, one of her arms gently circling his waist as she held onto her freshly baked cookies with the other. His arm wrapped around her shoulder and he softly kissed the top of her head.

Deeks chose that moment to open the door and Callen looked up from Nell to see the smirk on his face.

"Well isn't this cozy?" he said with thin smile. "I can't say that I saw this coming."

Nell stepped back behind Callen, and peeked around him to look at Deeks.

"What are you intentions with my temporary partner?" Deeks asked as he eyed Callen up solemnly.

"Honest ones," Callen said. "She is without a doubt the best thing in my life."

"If you hurt her," he threatened, as he winked at Nell.

"She can take care of herself," Callen said with a laugh. "You'd be surprised how many weapons she can hide on such a small frame."

"Deeks, stop teasing Callen and let them in already," Kensi said from inside. "I know Nell has cookies for me, I can smell them."

Deeks looked at the couple and shook his head. "I don't know how she does it. She's like a bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out chocolate."

"Did you just call me a dog?" Kensi called out.

"At least I didn't compare you to a pig sniffing out truffles," he responded as he tried to hold back a laugh.

Callen shook his head and looked at Nell. "Are you sure you want to visit these two? Wouldn't you rather spend the evening curled up on the couch watching a movie?"

Nell grinned. "Nope. I want to see Kensi. If you'd like you and Deeks can cuddle on the couch and she and I can go out."

Deeks stepped back, letting Nell into the apartment. "You've got your hands full with that one."

Callen grinned. "Don't I know it."

...

Nell pulled him aside and Callen and Kensi stood talking. She didn't say anything until they were outside.

"So?" she asked. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "What makes you think that something is wrong?"

"I worked with you long enough to be able to tell when something is wrong," she said. "You're smiling in there, and you're saying all the right things, but your eyes give you away. Something isn't right."

Deeks sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I didn't think it would be like this."

"Like what?" she asked.

"I thought that getting Kensi back would feel like a celebration, but it's not," he said. "It's just something else that I failed at."

"How did you fail?" Nell asked, her hand gently brushing his arm.

"I tortured a blind man because I thought she was dead," Deeks whispered. "I didn't care that he wasn't going to say anything, I just wanted him to hurt so I wasn't the only one."

Nell gently squeezed his arm. "That doesn't mean you failed her."

"I helped her shower earlier," he said. "She was too sore to do it by herself."

"Ok," Nell said as she stepped closer, her shoulder touching his arm.

He leaned into her gently. "She's so bruised. And thinner. She doesn't look like the girl that left here."

"She'll get better," Nell said. "I read the doctor reports last night. Everything that happened will heal, and while she looks bad, her torture was mostly for show, optimal blood and bruises, but nothing else. There are so many other ways a woman can be tortured, and she wasn't."

"I'm a jinx," he said. "She was sent because we were too close."

"She was sent because Hetty knew Jack was the White Ghost, and she knew the Kensi wouldn't take that shot," Nell said. "It had nothing to do with you. And anything that Hetty or Granger may have said to make you think otherwise is a lie."

"You don't understand," Deeks said. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"She will heal," Nell said softly. "And so will you. You don't need to rush into anything just because she's back. You can take your time. She'll wait."

"I met Jack," Deeks said. "I don't know what I was expecting, but he was just a normal guy."

Nell nodded. "Hetty had pictures of the two of them together in the White Ghost file."

"Was she happy in them?" Deeks asked.

Nell shrugged. "She seemed to be happy."

"Good," Deeks said with a nod.

"She's in love with you," Nell said. "Don't push her away because you think this had rekindled her feelings for him. I've seen the way she looks at you. She glows."

"She never talks about it," Deeks said. "I just wanted to be sure."

"Ask her about it," Nell said. "Take this time to talk, and get closer that way. Let her know you're still interested, but that you want to go slow."

Callen chose that moment to stick his head out the door. "What's going on here?"

Deeks stepped away from Nell and shook his head. "Nothing."

"We were just having some alone time," Nell said with a grin as she stepped closer to Deeks and gently stroked his hand. "You know how it is.

Deeks pulled his hand away from Nell and shook his head. "She's not serious."

"I know she's not," Callen said with a laugh. He turned to Nell. "Kensi needs some girl talk when you're free."

Nell nodded. "I'll go see her now. You two play nice."

Deeks stared at Nell in silence as Callen held the door open for her. She slowed, and give him a quick kiss on the cheek which made Deeks look away. He didn't look up as Callen came to stand beside him.

"She's strong," Callen said. "She'll get through this."

"I know that," Deeks said quickly.

"How are you?" Callen asked.

"It doesn't matter," Deeks said. "All that matters is that she's home."

"You should take to someone," Callen said. "Someone one besides Nell."

"Fine," Deeks said. "I won't talk to your girlfriend anymore."

He turned and started to walk away when Callen's hand grabbed onto his shoulder.

"That's not what I meant," Callen said. "I don't care if you talk to Nell. I trust you both. I trust you as her friend and as her partner."

"Whatever."

Callen took at deep breath as his hand dropped from Deeks's shoulder. "You are a good guy, Deeks. And you're a part of this team, of this family, and we wouldn't be here if you weren't. I know that you saved us out there. But I also know that you've had a rough year, and I know what it's like to shut people out, and close off that part of yourself."

"I'm fine, Callen," Deeks said. "Just drop it."

"Talk to Kensi," he said. "Be honest with her. Tell her what happened to you and let her tell you what she went through. Talk to Nate if you need to. But don't shut yourself off from everyone. Don't go down that path."

Deeks nodded. "Fine."

Callen opened his mouth to say more, but fell silent. The two stood in silence for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Deeks," Kensi called from inside. "I'm hungry."

Deeks turned to Callen and shrugged. "Ready to head out to dinner."

Callen nodded. "Something tells me we don't want to keep Kensi waiting."

"Nope," Deeks said with a grin. "You don't want to get between Kensi and food."

Deeks led the way back inside, and smiled when Kensi wrapped her arm around his waist as they discussed where to go for dinner. He said and did all the right things, but his mind was a million miles away.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all for the lovely reviews and all the follows/favorites! This section takes place after 5x22 and 5x23. I tried to anticipate what will happen in the finale, and set up some emotions accordingly. I'm probably totally wrong, because I'm trying to stay spoiler free - but oh well._

_I'm anticipating one more chapter after this to wrap everything up and piece the little ships back together after the finale smashes them apart._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

He showed up at her door unannounced with pizza and ice cream, but without the box. He was scared that she would turn him away, but instead she only smiled sadly as she let him in. She didn't speak as she sat back down on the sofa and went back to watching a reality show on the TV.

He set the food down on the coffee table and headed into the kitchen for some spoons for the ice cream and a couple of drinks. He handed her the spoon and a carton of ice cream. She accepted both but still didn't look up from the TV.

"I want this to work," he said softly. "And I'm sorry that everything came out all awkward earlier. I didn't say what I meant. I tried, I really did, but it just didn't come out right."

"It's fine, Deeks," Kensi said as she pulled the lid off the ice cream.

"I don't want this thing between us to be a couple of fleeting moments that happen then are over," Deeks said. "I want us to take our time, and let it grow. I'm in this for the long haul, Kensi. I'm not going anywhere."

"He got married," Kensi said, still staring at the TV. "He has a daughter. He had a wife. He moved on. And he looked so at peace with his choices. When we were alone in the cave, I told him about you. About how we met, and how you drove me crazy, and about how you always had my back. I told him that you were going to save me."

"Always," Deeks said.

"He said that I looked happy when I talked about you. He said when he left, I was sad all the time. He said he left because he could tell that he was destroying me. He said he left because he wanted me to be able to live the life I deserved, and he loved me enough to know that it wasn't him," Kensi finally looked at Deeks. "He said that when you saved me, I should let you know how much I loved you."

"My dad used to tell my mom and I that we were worthless. He told me that I would never amount to anything. He said that I was a mistake. He tried to get rid of me when my mom was pregnant, but I couldn't even do anything right then, and I had to survive. He said that no one would ever love me."

Kensi slid close to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "You know that's not true right?"

"Sometimes I think that I'm turning into him," Deeks said slowly. "I have this rage inside of me something and I'm scared that I'm going to explode."

"You are nothing like him," Kensi said, her voice soft but firm. "Nothing."

"I thought you were dead," he said. "And I was so angry that I tried to water board a blind man."

"Tried?" Kensi asked.

"I couldn't finish it," Deeks said. "I remembered what torture felt like and I couldn't do it."

Kensi nodded. "And that is why you're nothing like your father. You're father would have taken pleasure it. You didn't."

"But I wanted to," Deeks whispered.

"You are a good man," Kensi said. "You are not your father, just like you are not Max."

"I just need some time," Deeks said. "It doesn't mean that I don't want this. It just means that I have work through things."

"We can work through them together," Kensi said. "I don't want you to lock me out. You're my best friend, and that means everything to me. I don't want to lose you."

Deeks nodded. "I'm not going anywhere."

...

Nell was cuddled on the couch with Callen, quietly watching a movie. As the couple on screen began to disagree, she shifted and turned to Callen.

"No we're not going to be like that," he said before she opened her mouth.

"That wasn't what I was going to ask," she said. "I was going to say that they remind me of Kensi and Deeks. Hot one minute and dismissive and cold the next."

"They'll find their way, Nell," Callen said. "They've both has a rough year, and neither wants to rush anything."

"They should talk to each other about it," she said.

Callen laughed. "You know neither one are good at communication."

"It's sort of pathetic that you're better at it than you," Nell said with a grin.

"Are you calling me pathetic?" he asked.

"A little," she said with a laugh. "But they're more pathetic."

"They'll be ok, Nell," he said. "Give them time to figure it all out."

"I wasn't going to do anything," she said. "I was just saying that I felt bad for all they've gone though. They should be getting closer instead of licking their own wounds separately."

"Well, not everyone can open up to someone the way I did," Callen said.

Nell rolled her eyes. "Ha, ha."

"I'm not that bad," Callen said.

She shrugged. "You don't lock me out by refusing to see me. You just don't talk a lot about things."

"I don't have much to say about things," he said. "You can ask anything that you want to know, and if I have an answer, I'll tell you."

She nodded. "I know. I always knew that you were the quiet type. I'm not going to try and change that about you as long as you don't physically push me away."

Callen's arms wrapped tighter around her. "I wouldn't. Even if I don't want to talk about something, I like having you here. It's soothing to just lie here and listen to you breathe."

...

"So how many beers do you want partner?" Deeks asked as he sat down beside her.

"Many," she said with a laugh. "After today I think that I need many beers."

Deeks nodded. "How about we start with one and go from there."

"Fine," she said with a laugh. "But it's your turn to buy."

"Don't worry, princess. I planned to," he said. "I have to treat my girl right."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not your girl."

"Yes you are," he said. "Remember we talked about this. I just needed some time to think things over, and now that I've had that time, I'm ready for the next step."

Kensi cocked her head and stared at him. "You've worked through all your stuff?"

"Enough," he said with a shrug. "At least enough to know that I want you beside me as I work through it. In fact, I'm even thinking about opening that box this weekend. Do you want to be there when I do so you can see the happy look on my face."

She shrugged. "It's up to you. It's your box."

"What's up?" he asked. "A couple of weeks ago you were all excited to take this next step, and I thought you would be happy to hear that I'm there, but you're not."

"It's just been a long day, ok?" she asked. "Can we talk about it later?"

He nodded. "Ok. We can do it later. Later is good."

"Thanks," she said. "Right now I just want to relax and forget about the last few hours."

Deeks nodded. "I understood why they did it though. That feeling of desperation that drives a good man to do something horrible."

Kensi shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it. Maybe one day when it's not so fresh in my mind."

Deeks nodded. "Ok."

They lapsed into silence for a few moments before Callen held up a pool ball rack. "Who's in?"

Deeks looked at Kensi who shook her head. Glancing back at Callen he nodded. "I'm in."

...

"So you do have a crush on your temporary partner don't you?" Callen asked as he walked Nell to his car. "I saw that little love note that you left him."

She laughed. "How drunk are you? Do you need a designated driver?"

He held his keys out to her. "I'm not drunk, but you can drive if you want."

She eyed up the keys, her eyes shining. "Really?"

"Sure," he said with a shrug.

"Ok," she said with a grin as she took the keys from his hand.

He took that moment to wrap his fingers around her wrist, and pull her close. She tipped her chin up and grinned against his lips as he kissed her.

The sound of someone clearing their throat, followed by a smacking sound made them pull apart.

"Oww, Kens. That was uncalled for," Deeks said, looking at his partner as he rubbed his arm.

"Leave them alone," Kensi responded.

Callen shrugged. "He's just jealous."

Deeks laughed. "Hardly, sweet cheeks."

Kensi rolled her eyes. "Ignore him."

Nell shrugged. "It's ok."

Kensi took Deeks by the hand and tried to pull him away from the couple. He followed, but turned and looked back at them, waving his fingers. "We'll see you guys later. Don't do anything we wouldn't do."

Callen laughed as Kensi drug Deeks across the parking lot. "Looks like Deeks got over whatever was bothering him."

Nell grinned. "I figured he would come around."

"He can be a little slow sometimes," Callen said with a grin. "But he's a good guy."

"Good is nice, but I prefer naughty." Nell said, a wicked grin crossing her face.

"Really?" Callen asked.

She nodded. "How about we go back to your place and I'll show you the true meaning of what I wrote on that post-it."

Callen grinned. "Sounds like a plan to me."

Nell unlocked the doors, and Callen opened the driver's side door for her before stepping over to the passenger side.

"You're really going to let me drive?" she asked.

He nodded. "But I still want to know what you wrote to Eric on his post-it."

She slid behind the wheel as he opened the passenger door. "I told him that I had feelings for someone that I worked with."

"So he assumes him," Callen said.

"You know what happens when you assume," she said lightly.

"You're going to have to tell him sometime, you know," he said.

She nodded. "I know. Eventually. But tonight has nothing to do with him."

"I think I can handle that," Callen said. "Now let's get home so you can have your evil way with me."

...

Deeks had driven them back to Kensi's place is almost total silence. He could tell that she was mulling something over. He was sure that he wasn't going to like what she had to say, so he didn't force the issue.

When they got to her place she had invited him in, and they had ended up on the couch together watching an old movie, and enjoying some of their typical weekend snacks. He has almost convinced himself that everything was normal when the tide changed.

"Are we just trying to fool each other?" Kensi asked suddenly as she looked away from the TV screen.

"Fool each other how?" Deeks responded, turning towards her.

"Maybe we've just been through too much. Maybe we're just too broken to pull ourselves back together," she said.

"You don't mean that," Deeks said. "You can't mean that."

She shrugged. "Maybe I do. I used to think once I knew what happened with Jack that all those fears I had would go away. But they haven't. They're still here. And it's not fair to drag you into my mess."

"I don't care," Deeks said gently. "We both have issues, I understand that. But I think that together we can overcome them."

Kensi opened her mouth, but Deeks held up his hand, stopping her.

"I have a hard time believing that I'm worth loving. I have a hard time accepting that I work with people who care about me and who have my back. And I can't wrap my head around the fact that NCIS has become like a family to me," Deeks took a deep breath. "I know that Sam and Callen treat me like the bratty kid brother, but I've finally come to see that they act like that because they think of me like a brother, and the teasing and jokes are their way of including me."

"I don't think I want to pursue this, this thing that we have," Kensi said as she waved her hands around. "I keep thinking about it, and no matter what scenario I have in my head, they all end badly. Breaking up, or staying together. One of us getting hurt in the field, us being separated as partners, me getting pregnant and having to quit. There are millions of what ifs running through my head, and I'm none of them end well."

"You're over thinking this, Kens," Deeks said softly. "There's no reason to think about it ending. What if we just don't have an ending. What it we just stay together, and keep doing what we do, and what if it's perfect."

"Nothing is perfect," Kensi said. "And one day we would wake up and it will have all fallen while we weren't looking. And I don't want that."

"Raccoons," Deeks started.

"I don't want to be a raccoon," Kensi said. "That's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't want to be something that gets rabies and mange. I don't want to be the thing that people take a shotgun to when it's digging through their trash cans in the middle of the night."

"That's not the point of the story," Deeks said.

"But that's what I get out of the story," Kensi said. "That's the difference between us. You see cute and fluffy romance, and I see disease and death."

Deeks nodded. "Ok then. So where does that leave us."

"You are my best friend," Kensi said quickly. "And I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to walk out of here tonight and walk out of my life. I want to still be friends, and watch movies, and hang out like we always have. But that's it. I can't give you anymore than that."

Deeks nodded. "Ok. So if I were to tell you one Friday night that I can't come over to your place to watch a movie because I have a date. How would you feel?"

Honestly?" Kensi asked. "I would be sad, because I was losing you. But I'd also be happy that you were moving on from me, and finding romance with someone that deserves you."

"No one deserves me, Kens. The best that I can hope is that I find someone who will love me despite my brokenness," Deeks took a deep breath. "Sort of like the way that I love you."

Kensi's eyes filled with tears at his words, "Don't. Please, just don't."

"I'm going to respect what you asked me to do," Deeks said. "And I'll back off the romantic gestures. And I'll still be here for movies, and dinner, and junk food. And if you need to talk, I'm her for that. And if you change your mind about how you feel, just say the word. Because even if I move on, I will always come back to you if you want me."

Kensi nodded and tried to hold in her tears. Deeks frowned and reached his arm out to pull her against him. She clung to him, burying her head against his chest as she sobbed silently, she shoulders shaking softly. He gently rubbed her back, not speaking, just allowing her tears to fall. As she cried, he could feel his own heart breaking. He cared about her so much, and it hurt to see that she wouldn't allow herself to believe they could have a happy ending.

Her tears slowed and she pulled away from Deeks. He knew he should loosen his hold on her, but instead he grabbed a pillow with his free hand and rested it on his chest. Her dark eyes looked up at him for just a moment before she rested her head against the pillow, her body still tucked against him.

He continued to gently rub his hand over her back as she turned her attention back to the TV. He couldn't help but think that the way he reacted to her tonight would be one of the most important things that he did. He had to keep his own pain of rejection hidden from her, and he had to make sure that she would believe that they could go on continuing to be just friends. If that was the only way that he could keep her in his life, he knew that he would learn to be happy with that.

...

"I thought it over," Nell said as she rolled over in the bed to look at Callen.

"And?" he prompted.

"I think I want to do it," she said.

He raised his eyebrow and looked at her. "You think?"

She nodded. "I got the renewal for my lease in the mail. Apparently I got it a couple of days ago, but I haven't been home to look at my mail, so I didn't realize it was there."

"Ok," he said.

"And it made me think about how often I've been home lately. Or rather, how often I haven't been. Then earlier today I went to pay some bills online and I realized that my electric and water bills were really small because I haven't been there to use it. I'm always over here."

"So you're just being logical about this?" Callen asked.

She shook her head. "It's not just logic. It's because it feels right. But seeing the effects that being here so much has had on things, it helped."

Callen nodded. "Ok, then. So we're going to do this."

She nodded. "I think we are."

"So, I don't want this to be awkward," Callen said. "So I just want to put it out there and there's no pressure to anything, but I just don't want you to feel weird."

"Ok," Nell said slowly.

"So, Hetty bought this house for me, with my money. It's paid off. All I pay are utilities, which really aren't that much and groceries. Financially I have no problem with that, and I have money to put aside each month," Callen began to explain. "I don't need you to pay for anything. But at the same time, I want you to feel like you have a stake in this and you're just not a guest in my house. So if you want to come up with some sort of joint finance thing, that's fine, and we can talk about it, and work it out."

Nell nodded. "You're right; I do want to feel like I contribute something. If we're going to do this living together relationship, I don't want to feel like a guest."

"Well, we'll be moving your stuff in here as well," Callen said. "So that'll make it less guest like."

Nell nodded. "Maybe we move in some of my better stuff, and then buy some other things together. I have things now that were leftovers from college apartments that really should just go in the dumpster and not into a nice house."

Callen nodded. "That's sounds like a good place to start. And we'll figure everything else out later."

"I know what I want to do right now," Nell said with a grin.

"What?" Callen asked.

"I want you to make love to me again. But this time, it will be in our bed," Nell said with a grin.

Callen laughed and pulled her against him. "I think I can handle that."


	4. Chapter 4

_This next chapter takes place after the season finale. I had planned that this would be the last chapter, but the plot had other ideas. Thank you all for you're wonderful reviews, follows, and favorites - it means a lot! Enjoy! :)_

* * *

"Sam, Callen, can you hear me?" Eric asked.

Nell could hear Granger asking Kensi over the comms for a report, but none of it seemed real.

She heard Kensi calling for them, she heard the silence that followed. And suddenly it all felt like too much. She couldn't breathe, and she had to get out of the room. Dropping her tablet, she fled from ops without a word to Eric.

She was huddled in the corner of the balcony, staring off into the distance when he found her a couple of minutes later.

"Are you coming back in?" he asked.

She shook her head, "I don't know."

He knelt down beside her, his eyes full of concern. "What's wrong, rock star?"

"Callen," she shook her head. "He, he and Sam, and Callen and I …"

"We'll get both of them back," he said. "We always do."

"Until we don't," Nell whispered.

"Come on back into ops, Nell," Eric said as he stood and offered her his hand.

"Callen and I are together," she said suddenly, her eyes filling with tears. "I just agreed to move in with him, and now, this. I can't. I just can't."

Eric knelt back down beside her in silence.

She met his eyes as her tears began to fall. "Please don't be mad, and please don't make this about you. I need my best friend right now."

Eric reached his arm out to her, and she leaned against him as she began to cry in earnest.

"Shhh," he said. "It'll be ok. We'll get them, back. And when we do, we'll all help you move, and we'll have a picnic in your backyard, and Callen can grill up some of his famous steaks, and we'll all have a good time."

She sniffled, trying to get herself under control. "He does love to grill."

"And I'm not mad," Eric said. "You're my best friend and I just want you to be happy."

Nell nodded as her tears subsided. "I really like him, Eric."

"Don't worry," Eric said. "We'll get him back. Sam too."

Nell nodded as Eric ruffled her hair.

"Now are you ready to get back to work?" he asked.

She nodded. "I'm going to go splash some water on my face, and I'll be in."

…

"We're got to get out of here," Callen said, turning to Sam. "I finally found someone worth living for, so I am not going to die here with you."

Sam grinned despite their situation. "Things working out for you and Joelle?"

"I think I need to tell you something," Callen said. "I've been avoiding it after all the trouble you went to with setting me up and all, but it's not working out with Joelle."

"Then what are you talking about?" Sam said.

"Nell and I are dating," he said. "And before you go getting all judgmental about it, this is serious, and she's actually planning on moving in with me. Once we get out of this deathtrap that is."

Sam held up his hands. "I'm not going to get bent out of shape over it. But it would have been nice for you to tell me before now. I didn't know that she was your type. I thought she and Eric has some secret geek thing."

Callen shook his head. "Nope. Just friends."

"Ok, then," Sam said. "So let's get you out of here so you can be with your dream girl."

...

Nell stood on the steps of OSP dancing nervously back and forth. She knew that Kensi had reassured her numerous times that Callen was ok; she knew she wouldn't feel better until she saw it with her own eyes.

"You're back," Nell cried as she ran to Callen and wrapped her arms around him. "You're back, you're back, you're back."

"I'm back too," Sam said with a laugh.

Eric shrugged and held his arms out to Sam.

"That's ok," Sam said shaking his head. "I'm good."

"You know, I did pull Callen from the water all by myself," Deeks said as he walked around the corner.

Nell let go of Callen long enough to launch herself at Deeks and hug him.

Deeks laughed and picked her up off the ground and spun her around.

"I think after the day I had, if I had to choose a woman, I'd choose you," Deeks said as he set her down and kissed her cheek.

She grinned and looked back at Callen. "Thanks. But I'm taken."

"Don't even think it," Deeks said without turning around.

"Think what?" his partner asked, her hand dropping to her side.

"Don't even think about punching me," Deeks said turning around. "And don't say it's because you heard what I said. You made it very clear how you feel about me, friend. So just knock it off."

Kensi opened her mouth, and then closed it.

Deeks looked at the team. "I'll see you all tomorrow."

"Do you want to go out and celebrate?" Nell asked.

Deeks shook his head. "No. I think tonight is a good night to go home and be with the ones that love you."

Nell nodded and stepped closed to Callen. "Ok. Maybe tomorrow night. I'll call you tomorrow Shaggy."

"Sounds good, Velma," Deeks said with a sad smile. He nodded to the rest of the team and turned away, walking out of the room.

"Aren't you going to go after him?" Callen asked Kensi.

She shook her head. "No."

"Kensi," Sam said shaking his head. "Come on. You know there's nothing between him and Talia. The only reason he even looked at her when you were gone is because she reminded him of you. He never mentioned her after the case, and I know he didn't meet up with her when it was over because he was out with us having a drink, and he only left when you called."

"That's not the problem," Kensi said, a soft whine in her voice.

Nell tugged on Callen's sleeve and pulled him away from Kensi's complaints.

"I told Eric," she said softly.

Callen nodded. "I told Sam."

"Eric wants a barbecue at your place after everyone helps us move in, and he wants your famous steak."

"I can do that," he said.

Nell looked over at Kensi who was having a heated argument with Sam. "What do you say we put in a mud pit and let her and Deeks fight it out?"

Callen laughed and shook his head. "I never thought the day would come that Sam wound be defending Deeks to Kensi."

"But you also never thought the day would come when you would find someone," Nell said. "And that happened."

"True," Callen said. "And while I would love to stay and watch those two, I'd much rather be at home with you."

Nell nodded, " Me too."

She stepped away from him, and shook her head at Eric who was watching Sam and Kensi. Eric grinned and nodded towards Callen. "You look good together."

"Thanks," she said with a grin. "I'll let you know when I move, and Callen agreed to the barbecue."

"Excellent," Eric said with a grin.

"We're going to head out," Nell said. "But I'll call you tomorrow. Team dinner, location to be decided later."

Eric nodded. "Sounds good partner."

…

Deeks was aimlessly flipping through the channels, with Monty resting beside him when he heard a knock on the door. Deeks ignored it, but Monty quickly jumped down and trotted over to the door and began barking.

Deeks continued to flip through the channels when he heard a key in the door. He turned to the door as it swung open.

"Go away."

"Nope," Kensi said as she dropped a couple of bags on the floor and knelt down to pet Monty.

"I mean it, Kens," he said. "I'm just not in the mood tonight. I'll call you tomorrow, ok?"

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

Deeks turned away, and resumed flipping through the channels without acknowledging her.

She quietly picked one of the bag up off the floor and sat down beside him. She slid the bag into his lap without opening it, and gently began to run her fingers down his arm.

"I was jealous," Kensi said. "I know I told you that I would be fine if you went out with someone else, but when I saw her, I suddenly realized that I wasn't ok with it. And I reacted badly. And I shouldn't have hit you. Repeatedly."

"I know you don't mean to hurt me when you do it," Deeks said slowly. "And it doesn't really hurt when you do it, but I'm getting tired of it. I grew up with my dad doing that. When I did something wrong, or made too much noise, or just because he didn't have anything better to do, he used me as his punching bag."

"I want to take it back," Kensi said. "I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have pushed you away and then gotten jealous. I shouldn't have lashed out at you when you didn't do anything wrong."

Deeks looked at the bag in his lap. "What's this?"

"An apology. I know it's your favorite, and I know I always talk you out of getting it because I don't really like it," Kensi said softly.

Deeks opened the bag, and nodded. "Peach cobbler ice cream."

"I know it doesn't excuse anything that I said or did today, but I'm trying," Kensi said.

Deeks lifted the ice cream out of the bag and looked at her. "If you were really trying, you'd get me a spoon."

"Can I stay?" Kensi asked softly.

He nodded.

She came back from his kitchen holding two spoons. She handed him one silently before grabbing another bag from the floor and opening her own container of ice cream. They ate in silence for a few moments before he looked over at her ice cream.

"What kind do you have?" he asked.

"Rocky road," she answered.

"Appropriate," he said with a nod.

She tipped the container towards him and he stuck his spoon in to get some. He stuck the spoon into his mouth and turned his attention back to the TV.

"What can I do?" Kensi asked softly.

"About what?" Deeks said.

"Us," she whispered. "I realized today that I was pushing you away because I know I don't deserve you, but seeing her made me realize that I can't stand the idea of seeing you with someone else, but instead of handing it like a grown-up, I lashed out at you unfairly."

"I don't know if there is an us," Deeks said sadly. "I want there to be, but I'm so tired, Kens. Everything feels like such a fight, and such a struggle, and I'm tired of it."

Kensi shook her head. "Don't say that. Please don't. I finally understand, and you can't pull away now. You said that all I had to do was say the word, and you'd be there. I need you to be there."

"I want to be, Kens," Deeks said. "And I promise you that there is no one else. But come on, you're out of control. I told you that you were beautiful today and you hit me."

"I can stop hitting you," Kensi said. "I know that I can."

"It's not about the hitting," Deeks said. "It's me. When you do it because of something that I say, there's a part of me that feels like I deserve it because I was out of line. So I never stop you. Because part of me thinks that it's ok that you're doing it, I say stupid things and I deserve what happens after."

Kensi's eyes filled with tears as she set her ice cream down, and quietly took his from him and set it on the coffee table beside hers. Scooting closer to him, she gently reached up and touched his cheek. "You are a wonderful man. One of the best ones that I've ever known. And you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. You do not deserve the things that I did to you today. You don't deserve to be treated the way I treat you most of the time."

"She meant nothing to me," Deeks said. "I looked at her while you were gone because she reminded me of you, and I missed you. I actually forgot about her after our case together was over. But today, I felt guilty for even looking at her because it made you mad."

"Sam took me aside after you left," she said. "And he was very firm in telling me how out of line I was. And he was right."

A faint smile crossed Deeks's face. "Sam defended me?"

Kensi nodded. "Callen would have too, except Nell was shooting bedroom eyes at him and it was making Eric uncomfortable so they left."

Deeks nodded. "Ok, then."

"I want this to work for us," Kensi said softly, her fingers brushing through his hair. "If you don't think it can, tell me now, and we'll figure out where to go from here. If you want to work with someone else on the team that won't lash out, or if I need to be reassigned, I'll do it. Whatever will make you feel safe, and a part of the team."

"I don't want you to leave," Deeks said, his arm wrapping around her, and pulling her close to him. He rested his head on her and breathed in the scent of her hair. "And I don't want you to stop being you. You shouldn't have to change for me."

"But?" she asked.

"Maybe we should talk to Nate," he said. "Together. About what each of us went through this year, about the things we hide, and about where we go from here."

"Ok," she said with a nod. "I'm sure he can do something over the phone or in a video chat or something."

"And we have to talk to each other," he said. "Instead of just hitting me, talk to me."

"Ok," she said. "And you have to talk to me too. Tell me why you're upset with something."

Deeks took a deep breath. "I think the torture this year has made the issues with my dad resurface. There are things that I thought weren't a part of me anymore, but now it's just back, and I have all these nagging thoughts that I'm scared to voice."

"Talk to me," Kensi said softly. "And I'll talk to you."

"You know how I feel about you, Kens," he said. "And it hurt when you said that you only wanted to be friends and partners and nothing more."

She nodded. "I was wrong. I want us to be more. I know that now. I'm tired of being scared. In fact, I saw something tonight, and I got it for you to show you."

"The melted ice cream?" he asked.

She shook her head and slid away from him to grab the last bag on the floor. Not meeting his eyes, she held it out to him. "I got you this."

He took the bag from her and peeked inside. He laughed and reached his hand it and pulled out two stuffed raccoons that were holding hands.

"I saw them in a store window on the way to the ice cream place," she said. "They seemed appropriate."

"They're perfect," Deeks said as held his arm out the Kensi and she scooted closer and rested her head against his chest. He wrapped his arm around her and began to run his fingers through her hair.

She cuddled closer and made contented sounds against his chest.

"I like it when you're like this," he said softly. "All soft and cuddly."

"I like it too," she said softly. "Except our ice cream is melting."

Deeks laughed and leaned forward so they could grab their melting containers. With her ice cream securely in hand, Kensi snuggled back against him.

"You up for a movie night?" he asked. "I'm sort of talked out for the night. But I'd like to just sit here together."

She nodded. "Something from the Netflix queue. I don't care what."

"Really, Princess?" Deeks said. "You don't care what we watch."

"Nope," she said. "Tonight, I just want to be here with you."

Deeks grinned and stole a bite of her ice cream. "I think I can handle that."

"I really am sorry, Deeks," Kensi said softly. "And I will make it up to you. Anything you want, just tell me."

"You're here," Deeks said. "Right now, that's enough."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," Kensi said. "But I'm glad you still want this."

Deeks smiled and softly kissed the top of her head. "We both have our baggage, but we'll figure it out, Fern. Together. I promise."


End file.
